When it comes to love and romance and all that I have never been all that good at it, I am great at the corny little things and I am a hopeless romantic at heart and think that big corny displays of emotion are the best thing on earth. I love romantic movies where guys do things that never happen in real life like Patrick Dempsey in can’t buy me love or Ryan Gosling in the notebook or even Dear John where he spends most of his leave flying home to spend one day with his girl. I love the concept that someone could love you so much that they stand outside your window with a boom box over their head or fall for you because of all the little things that no one else knows.
But does that exist?
Realistically what guy is going to ride his lawn mower to your house just to stand outside and tell you all the ways he messed up and all the reasons why you should be with him anyway? Most guys won’t send you flowers on Valentine’s Day let alone do something that might tap into their emotional side. And you know it’s not about flaunting it to the world I don’t need all my friends around to watch, it’s about you going out of your way to show me that this isn’t just filling time for you.
Honestly, I suck when it comes to guys. I either don’t have any emotional attachment or connection at all and honestly can be completely terrible to them or I get extremely emotionally attached and don’t know how to proceed with it. I hate putting myself out there if I don’t know the return so chances are I am not going to tell you that I like you, see more than a friendship with you, and if you’re some hot stranger in a bar I will not walk over to you.
Initiation isn’t my thing.
It’s absolutely terrifying and I love that feeling of butterflies in your stomach that you get on roller coasters but this is nothing like that. This is rejection; this is the fear of not being enough for someone who you feel is enough for you.
Commitment usually isn’t my thing either, mostly because I don’t trust people and if I could see myself falling for you it’s even worse. Because you will have the power to break my heart and it’s something I tend to be very careful about.
I’m watching New Girl now on Netflix and Nick and Jess are my absolute relationship goals because he was her friend first and the connection there is so real and they’re so honest to who they are. I’ve always said that I think the best relationships come out of friendships, it’s why 13 going on 30 is one of my favorite movies. Matty and Jenna are the perfect relationship and frankly I’m not one to focus on your looks or your past or your ethnicity, but if you can’t jump of a swing set with me to see who went the furthest…
It’s not going to work…